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That’s a Lot of Cows
This is from the dark and horrible days of the lockout, but I bring it to you now for one reason: When John Tavares does something right, scores a goal and/or tucks in his shirt (so, every day), I’m...
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All the World’s a Stage
I got home and flipped on the TV last night and this was on. There may have been shrieking. Tavares shows Roenick around the ice – NBC Sports Network (If you’re in Canada, enjoy this budget version...
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No Big Deal
Me, on Friday: “This has been the toughest work week of my career. I’m feeling pretty badass for getting through it.” John Tavares: “I heard it’s your birthday. Here, hold my tooth.” When I was told...
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Smiling’s My Favorite
To accurately tell you how much work I have to do, I’d need one of those “to the power of” superscript numbers next to infinity. Which isn’t even enough. But how am I supposed to work under these...
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Focus Features
If you’re the NHL’s First Star of the Week, you’re already having a time. It’s not really fair that you also look like this: Hi-res left/right Jeez, Stamkos. Leave something for the mere mortals....
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Congratulations on Your Face
SCENE: Thursday, 1 A.M. Too tired to sleep and still punch drunk from watching the Penguins in person, Pants scrolls through Instagram. CUT TO: Point of view shot of Pants’ phone. CUT TO: Reaction...
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Notes from the Front Row
While it’s not quite puppies (okay, here’s Tyler Seguin with Marshall), let’s talk about something fun. Like the Saturday after Thanksgiving when I woke up with a stomach bug, barfed 20 times and...
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Cheer Up, It’s Christmas
For context and credibility purposes, this should probably get an entire post full of information and thoughtful, well-written prose. Instead I just want to say “johntavaresswoon” and leave it at...
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Control Yourself
John Tavares wants to control his emotions: That is, assuming he has any. I certainly can’t control mine – this ad campaign gives me the stupid giggles, defeating the obvious intention to hypnotize...
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Know When to Hold ‘Em
Someday I’ll go to a hockey team’s Casino Night. Someday I’ll have $250 to spend on an event that doesn’t involve either Vegas or getting a tan. Or they could move these to Vegas and I could do all...
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Everything is Awesome
Hi strangers! Sorry we’ve been a invisible lately, but the holiday weekend brought sunshine and beer even if it couldn’t bring our hockey teams back to the playoffs. In fact, I’m not watching much...
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Boom. Clap.
This. This happened and someone took a photo and the Canadian economy skyrocketed because who wouldn’t pay money to see this? Bless Snapchat. We weren’t in the right place at the right time (never...
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Birthday Boy: John Tavares
Is everyone excited? Training camp has begun, the season is nearly upon us and it’s time to party like John Tavares. TWO scoops of ice cream. Go crazy. John turns 35 today… kidding, he’s 24. Yes, in...
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Take a Bow
3rd period Earth science teacher John Tavares had his jersey retired by the Oshawa Generals last night. Photo credit: Ryan Pfieffer/Metroland Does this marshmallow cloud have seat belts? Otherwise all...
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Takin’ It Back
Last night, MSG network premiered their “Beginnings” series episode about everyone’s hot middle school science teacher, John Tavares. Why yes, I’ll tune in. I didn’t get to see the show, but it re-airs...
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Playoff Predictions: Beasts of the East
It’s here! The NHL Playoffs! Our lives are on hold until further notice. Welcome to our annual playoff predictions, where Chuck selects teams based on actual hockey things and Pants make wishes on...
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Love Me Like You Do
There’s been a lot of press the last few days about the terrible experience some Caps fans had at Nassau Coliseum during Game 3 vs. the Islanders on Sunday. You can read the original story here, the...
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Who’s Scruffy Looking?
October, you beauty. We wait all year, and usually you arrive with a terrifying array of fresh mug shots or ransom photos calling themselves roster head shots. But this year, you have arrived in style....
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When in Rome…
How dare this premiere while I was away? Picture me, phone in hand, running toward the beach on some Caribbean island, wondering if I can swim from there to Brooklyn. John Tavares, Prince of Khakis,...
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Holding Out for a Hero
The playoffs are a tough time, when I want all my favorite players to have transcendent, legendary, career-making experiences… while their teams still lose. But someone has to win every round, and so...
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